you better not be up all night playing the grinch on your playstation one

Dear Future Katy

Today I didn’t wake up till 12. It’s my own fault, I was up till 2 in the morning, sorting out my money and monthly budget. Like seriously, it must be nice for people who don’t have to worry if they can afford their rent each month. I hope you’re financially settled. I really feel for you, if you’re still in a mess at your age. Have you got your own house? Or are you still renting? As long as you haven’t moved back in with the parents?!

 If I could buy a house right now; if I won the lottery or whatever, it would be that house on the high street. Do you remember it? We looked at it with mum when we were moving from School Street. It was crazy old, and you walked into the lounge through the front door. The lounge was cute and cosy, the walls covered in exposed beams, and there wasn’t a carpet, just old shiny floorboards. Leading on though the lounge was a little tiny room/ seating area and I’m pretty sure the stairs must have been in there because I can’t really remember how the upstairs was laid out. I do remember though there was a mural on the wall in the master bedroom, I think that was partly what made the house grade 1 listed? It was like a tapestry that had been painted, and although it had faded you could still reasonably make out what it was. SUPER COOL. The kitchen is what I remember the most. I think the house was an old bakery, so It still had the original bakers oven. The sink was also original, it was one of those deep sinks with the two parts, do you know what I mean? Antique chrome saucepans and utensils were hanging from the ceiling beams hovering over the battered old dining table, in the middle of the kitchen. I swear it was so beautiful. Though… Do you remember the basement! All I’m going to say is that it was prime real estate for ghosts. 

What is your dream house? Is it super hi-tech modern? Or old farmhouse in the middle of the nowhere? Hmm. 

Anyway, I wanted to give you some advice about sleeping. Mainly because I need the advice myself. I’m pretty awful at the moment at getting the right amount of sleep, I either only get a few hours or I sleep for days, there is no in-between! It’s always been a problem, but I like to think I’ll get a grip on it soon enough. Hopefully, you’re no longer a night owl or at least have your sleep routine down to a T but just in case you don’t,  I thought I would remind you how I battle the habitual sleeplessness.

So you didn’t sleep last night, or maybe you haven’t slept in a few days? Don’t fall asleep during the day. Whatever you do woman, do not lay on your bed, or crash on the sofa. I mean it, and none of that ‘oh I’m just going to rest my eyes for a few minutes’. I know what you’re like. Get up and do something. It can be literally anything. If your anything like me, then do some housework, trust me it needs doing. I know how hard it is to even move when you’re that bloody tired but hold on, you just need to keep awake until around 8pm, then you can start winding down. Please try and avoid the coffee and anything that’s going to make you hyper. It’s not going to help in the long run Future Katy, it will just make up grumpier! 

Have you made it to 8pm yet? Good. Seeing as your tidy and organised nowadays (here’s hoping!) your bedroom will be clean with everything put away, to create a nice peaceful sleeping environment, yes? If you’re still messy then at least make your bed, and make a mental note to get your shit together. You’re best friend tonight will be that little bottle of lavender oil stashed away in a drawer somewhere, find it and drop a small amount onto your pillow and maybe your duvet. If your real fancy, febreeze do a bedding spray of lavender scented lusciousness, if they still make it, it’s called sleep serenity, just spray your whole room. All of the lavender! Next step, get them curtains closed and a candle lit, nothing too strong, just enough to create a soothing atmosphere. Maybe get your PJS out ready (or a sassy granny nighty if that’s what you’re into now). 

Get the bath running, with lots of bubbles, you’ll never forgo your mermaid-isms and get a shower, but if it’s the middle of the apocalypse then I guess a shower will have to do. Just make sure your water is warm. They say your body temperature dropping can make you feel sleepy! What I like to do at this point is turn all the lights off so the lighting isn’t so harsh – it makes me feel more relaxed (maybe leave some lamps on, health and safety and all that). Adding to lights, turn of your devices. Seriously you don’t need it glued to you and the blue lights trick your brain into not producing sleep chemicals – or something like that, just google it. Okay, I’ll let you leave your Spotify on, but try the relaxation playlist yeah? Your bath is a good time to read that book that has been collecting dust on your bedside table. Maybe crack out Jane Eyre it’s my favourite and you should know it word for word by now, Future Me. Enjoy a good long soak in the bath, with your caffeine-free hot drink (salted caramel hot chocolate for me!) until it starts to lose its warmth or if your fingers resemble prunes.

So you’ve had a comforting bath, and feeling relaxed? You’ve made your way through the near-dark to your room? Time to do pamper your face, you know tone and moisturise, I’ve spent too long trying to tame this acne for you to muck around letting those nasty buggers come back. Maybe even slap some body lotion on, or massage your feet. PJS on and into bed, get a big whiff of that lavender, smells good right? Ahhh. I’m actually a little jealous of you right now, I might run a bath of my own in a minute. 

Now your settled, try and relax. I know it’s easier said than done, but the only thing you can do to tackle your problems right now is to get a good night of refreshing sleep and deal with them tomorrow with a clear head. Unless of course you have children, and in that case let your partner sort them out, it’s almost definitely his turn. Chill. Breathe. Do those cheesy breathing techniques I hate. When my sleeping is really bad and I’m losing the will to live (literally!), I find there are many helpful youtube videos to leave on in the background. Try searching for sleep hypnosis (yes, even cynical I likes these) or white noise, maybe rain? Oooh Oooh, rainymood.com – try it. seriously!

I think you’re ready to go at it alone (or at least with help of the sexy sounding man who’s narrating your sleep mediation). Don’t worry, you can do it. Think positive as our Grandma would say. Or rather DO positively.

Now go to sleep you silly woman, I’ll write to you soon.

Sweet dreams,

Love Current Katy. 


Ps. What I listened to while I wrote this.

  • Second Hand News – Fleetwood Mac
  • Church Bells – Carrie Underwood
  • Gloria – Laura Branigan
  • I Don’t Want To Know – Fleetwood Mac
  • In Recognition – The Proclaimers
  • Kiss You Know – Jess and the Bandits
  • I Got The Boy – Jana Kramer
  • Same Mistake – James Blunt
  • Wishing – Buddy Holly
  • On Top of the World – Imagine Dragons
  • Stand By Your Man – Tammy Wynette
  • Song for Whoever – Beautiful South
  • Price Tag (Acoustic) – Jessie J
  • A Boy Like That/I Have a Love – West Side Story

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