Dear Future Katy,
Why have I spent the evening curled up on my living room floor sobbing? Honestly, what did I gain out of that? Oh right yeah, the incentive to write to you!
Cup of tea in hand, time to chat to the only person who actually knows it’s going to be okay. I’ve been chatting to Minnie though, My fluffy four-legged friend that whines at me when I don’t give her satisfactory amounts of attention. Ooh, I might try that as a new flirting technique, can’t be any worse than my previous attempts. Shes bloody lovely really. Remeber when she used to be an arsehole? Not anymore, we’ve bonded, or she’s just developed Stockholm syndrome?
I think kidnapping her from my parents was a good idea though. Seeing as it’s not legal to kidnap actual humans to keep you company, we’re just going to have to make do. Squishing my fingertips through her soft fur is a great comfort on sleepless nights, having someone that relies on me is pretty nice too, everyone wants to feel needed. She’s probably clever enough to fish her own kitty kibble out of the bottom cupboard in my kitchen, but her nonopposable thumbs cant actually sneak the milk out the fridge, so I guess she’s stuck with needing me too. I mean, the pissing in the bath thing is really aggravating me now, like is the freshly cleaned litter tray not good enough for you your highness? And waking up sneezing because she’s been sprawled out on my face overnight and left her hair up my nose isn’t particularly pleasant, but when she realises her friends awake, her pupils dilate and she cuddles up, purring until the alarm goes off for the 5th time and it’s time for me to guiltily roll away and out of bed.
Whilst I greatly appreciate the cuddles and company, (this last month would have been a lot harder without her) I wouldn’t mind swapping her for a PTSD therapy dog. I may not remember the nightmares I have, but my body certainly does. This morning; I woke up with bruises on my foot and down the right side of my chest, a sore neck, a dead arm and a throbbing head. I’d question what I was dreaming about, a fight with a ten-foot gorilla? But I know what was I dreaming about. There are only two men that can still make me feel broken.
That infuriates me. In my conscious state, I very rarely give them the power to hurt me anymore, but apparently, it’s a different story when I’m asleep. I dread starting a new relationship with somebody. Not only do I have to work out the appropriate time to explain my backstory, (that’s if he hasn’t been scared off before getting to that point) but I also have to explain that he may find he wakes up missing an eye or two, because I’ve clawed them out in a feeble attempt to escape my sleep induced suffering. That, and I suck my thumb apparently, real sexy Katy, real sexy…
But what was I saying PTSD dog? I’ve seen American PTSD dogs working their magic and I can’t help but think how many less fretful nights I would have/had if i knew that a woofer was watching out for me and keeping me safe. (Yes, Lucy does a pretty good job of helping me sleep better, but I feel like kidnapping her as well would be a step too far!) Sadly, funding for PTSD specific dogs is not a thing in this country. However, have a wee look at the Support Dogs website, they are the only charity that trains seizure dogs in the UK, and from what I’ve seen they do some amazing work! 🙂
Right, I’ve rambled on enough for one night,
Current Katy x
P.S, You know I cant write without shuffle being played, so here’s tonight’s eclectic mix of backing tracks.
- Angel Down – Lady Gaga
- My Girl – Madness
- Heart and Soul – Twin Atlantic
- Hazy Shade of Winter – The Bangles
- Lost on You – LP
- In the Name of Man – Plan B
- You Never Can Tell – Chuck Berry
- Loser’s Salute – Hinder
- Sleepwalking – Lissie
- Black Heart – Stooshe
- David – Passenger
- All the King’s Horses – Aretha Franklin
- The Boy In the Bubble – Paul Simon
- It’s a Shame – First Aid Kit
- Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam – The Vaselines
- Insane – The White Buffalo
- Detroit Rock City – Kiss
- Suedehead – Morrissey
P.P.S, Don’t worry Lucy will still be coming over for sleepovers, we can’t keep these two apart for long!