Why I Don’t Want My Voices Gone

Dear Future Katy,

You know what I miss about living in Needham? It’s being able to look up and see the stars. While living in Ipswich has its perks; being only a ten-minute walk away from Primark and being able to have takeaways delivered that isn’t just Dominos, Is the light pollution worth it?

I’m sitting by the window. So far I’ve managed to spot a couple of aeroplanes (hoping they’re shooting stars though, I need all the wishes I can get 🤞🏻.) Feel like I can’t breathe today, and this is the closest I can get to fresh air seeing as we don’t have a garden.

I woke up okay. Made T a lunchbox (including a love note to make his day a bit brighter) ironed his shirt and made him breakfast, kissed him goodbye (just call me a ‘domestic goddess’) then it all when to tits. I was alone with ‘them’ again.

The problem with living on the top floor is that my voices like to use this fact to test my willpower (torture me). No Bob (or whatever you want to be called today) I don’t want to jump off the fire escape or out of the window. Knowing my luck I’d only end up breaking a limb or adding more bruises to the collection. Please just leave me be. Or better yet, help me tidy the flat, seeing as your the main cause of its messy state.

Just constant put-downs today. Where’s the nice older lady gone who calls me Kurly and tells me it’s all going to be alright? Or the little girl that just wants to make a little bit of mischief and tell jokes? Maybe they didn’t want to deal with ‘Bob’ today either?

Don’t be fooled by my complaining… I don’t want them gone, not really. They’re helpful, keep me company, make me love and keep me strong. They’re a part of me. I just need my coping skills back to be able to manage them. Especially ‘Bob’.

When you read this Future Katy go outside for me and sit in the garden of the castle I expect you own by now and take some time to look up. Make some wishes on some aeroplanes. Think about how far you’ve come. And if he’s still about, stick your middle finger up at ‘Bob’ for me would ‘ya? ;P

love you,

Current Katy x

P.S. Listening to some Plan B, younger chav Katy chose the playlist today I’m afraid!

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